I am perfect. It is impossible for me to make a mistake. When I go about doing my work I do not have to worry at all about making a mistake. It is so awesome to be me.
Of course this is crazy. I am far from perfect and I make mistakes all too often. Making a mistake is one of many reasons that we could be confronted with verbal criticism. We all, to varying degrees, are faced with verbal criticism. Today we are going to take a look at ways that we can deal with verbal criticism.
We might encounter verbal criticism such as “You forgot our anniversary. You really don’t care about me, do you?” “The way you run your business is deplorable.” “You have no idea what you are talking about.” “How could you get us into this mess?”
Angry statements and accusations such as these generally indicate the beginning of an argument. Arguments are inevitable. After all, no one can agree with others all of the time. But conflicts can actually be healthy. People who are capable of expressing their differences without becoming hostile are less likely to suffer emotional and physical stress and have a much better chance of resolving problems to the satisfaction of both parties. Moreover, criticism helps us recognize our flaws and correct them, making us better people.
Common responses to verbal criticism:
- Withdrawing – quietly accept the criticism
- Rationalizing – yes you have a valid criticism, but there is a good reason.
- Counterattacking – divert negative attention from yourself to the criticizer and his or her faults. Counter attacking only escalates the conflict and avoids the real issue.
- None of these responses to criticism facilitate healing of relationship or recognition of flaws for the purpose of remedying them.
Responding non-defensively means using the opportunity to build the relationship and to learn new information about yourself and the criticizer.
The steps to turn criticism into a positive experience are:
- Listen – Show compassion. Recognize the importance and value of the other person.
- Acknowledge – Acknowledge concerns or criticisms. Show kindness which is looking for a way to loan your strength. The person with the knowledge has power. To improve all of your communication think about and look for opportunities to loan your power.
- Ask questions and be humble – You are superior in some way to every person and they are superior to you in some way discover what they have to teach you.
- Paraphrase – Reflect back what you heard. Show patience and focus on understanding the other person.
- Agree with the truth – If the criticism has merit, why not say so? But you do not have to agree with the criticizer’s interpretation of the facts.
